An arbitrary selection of random experiences
December 2012
Shelly got our year
started with a “playful” surprise – Maggie. A two month old, highly caffeinated rescue puppy. One-quarter Black Lab / three-quarters
havoc-wreaking Gremlin.
Remember Gremlins,
the movie? Clever green monsters
that destroy everything. Chaos
EVERYWHERE…
Amateurs compared to
Maggie.
Here is an excerpt
from an early text exchange between Shelly and me (Maggie – Day Two):
#Grumpy: What do you mean, it came with fleas??
#Most_tolerant_woman_in_the_world:
That just means
she’s popular! J
#Grumpy:…And it’s burrowing craters in the
yard!
#Grumpy: So much damage. Soooo quickly!
#Grumpy: Must. Close. Eyes.
#Most_tolerant_woman_in_the_world: She can’t help it, she’s just a puppy! Isn’t she adorable?
#Grumpy: Did you see that it ate my sunglasses!!
#Most_tolerant_woman_in_the_world: Next time you’ll know better. When you leave them out she thinks they are a toy to play
with. Isn’t her coat just
beautiful?
#Grumpy: Leave them out?
Really?? They were on the
top shelf and the door was closed!!
#Most_tolerant_woman_in_the_world: See how resourceful she is! How lucky are we!!
Shelly says that
Maggie should calm down by the time she turns seven. So we’ve got that going for us...
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Opposites attract:
She likes tennis. I like golf. She enjoys diet coke.
I prefer coffee. She is
amazed at what I don’t remember.
I am horribly afraid of what she won’t forget.
By the way, it’s worth noting that
the appropriate response to, “tell me the truth…” is usually anything but the
truth.
*****************************************************************************
Jesse and Avery have
been active in the blogosphere this year.
They asked that we share their latest tweet:
#The_Bickersons: Have
it your way. The art of
negotiation by EXHAUSTION
by Avery & Jesse David
Key
Principles:
|
|
PERSISTENCE
& VOLUME
|
Be
loud. Don't stop. They WILL cave.
|
GO BIG
|
Beg for the
extraordinary, accept the ordinary.
You want a stuffed animal?
Ask for a pony. Then a dog.
Hamster, ferret, gold fish, slice of cake, new dress…Feign disbelief
after every response.
|
COMPARE
|
Brother,
sister, uncle, cousin, friend…SOMEONE got one once. Find it. Use it.
|
CUTENESS
COUNTS!
|
Bat
the eyes, furrow the brow, quiver the lip. Seriously. It
matters.
|
#The_Bickersons:
And always, ALWAYS
divide and conquer. If mom says, “no,”
ask dad. Misremember as needed.
As a family, we have
switched to texting over talking.
Sooo much quieter…
#Grumpy: Jesse – bedtime.
And brush your teeth. This
time with toothpaste!
#I mischief: One sec
#Grumpy: Peyton – it’s been 4 hours. Step away from the iPhone.
#Temperamental_teenager: KK GTG DOS TTYL (rough translation: “my dad’s
nagging me to get off”)
#Temperamental
_teenager: Oops,
sorry, dad – meant that for someone else.
Gimme a sec.
#Outta_here_soon:
Learned today
that the probability of having three younger sisters in a row is just 12.5%
#Outta_here_soon:
Seriously?? You ever consider stopping at one and
just playing PowerBall?
#Outta_here_soon:
Probably wouldn’t
have won but it would be much less annoying around here.
#Grumpy: The IOC called, Avery. Turns out that furniture gymnastics won’t be an Olympic
event in 2016. You get a 10 for
the armchair vault. Now PLEASE
stop practicing.
#Temperamental_teen_in_training:
So rude!!
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Fun Fact:
The “one sec” stalling method was
perfected by Jesse when she was just a kindergartener in order to conserve
energy and defer unimportant tasks such as bed, chores and homework. It is now successfully performed as a
tool for procrastination over a hundred times a day by four children and one
dad.
*****************************************************************************
I am trying to get
my head around some BIG changes happening in 2013.
Now that his tests
are completed, fabrications exaggerated, applications filed and responses
pouring in…there is almost no stopping Jake. He is on his way to college next year.
…And I am in for an
awful shock.
The only other
person in this house that knows how to lift UP a toilet seat will be
gone. Goodbye to the days of
inappropriate YouTube videos, 2am ping pong tournaments and watching sports
while creating a symphony of unusual bodily noises.
Overwhelmed by females, I must
face reality and learn to appreciate the classics: “Cupcake Wars,”, “Dance Moms”
and “Say, Yes to the Dress” – on every TV and at all times. At least the girls can still help
with the bodily noises.
BTW, Jake’s in for a
shock, too. I hope he can adjust
to sleeping until noon on weekdays.
#Grumpy: Jesse!! Bed! Now!!
# I mischief: JUST A SEC!!
Avery and I are playing sofa soccer. Next one to knock over all of the lamps wins.
#Temperamental_teen_in_training:
Jeez, dad…you’re
such a nudge!
*****************************************************************************
Did you know:
If I had a nickel for every light
or TV a child in this house proactively switched off
…I would have no nickels.
*****************************************************************************
Speaking of next
year, Shelly and I will be celebrating 20 years of marriage. It should be clear to all by now who
the biggest beneficiary of Shelly’s tolerance has been.
Hope to see you
soon. If you have any spare “Y”
chromosomes, please pass them along.
Jon, Shelly, Jake,
Peyton, Avery, Jesse & Maggie David
http://justrookieswhenwestarted.blogspot.com/