Thank
goodness for Jake....
Had he not devised a new family business model, the David’s were looking at a major downsizing initiative in 2009. Everything was up for consideration, too – including spinning-off the dogs and possibly returning one of the girls to the factory for a partial refund (I think Jesse is still covered under the original warranty – we still have all of the packaging). The fact is, with Shelly as CEO, costs - particularly on footwear and handbags, had spiraled out of control.
Had he not devised a new family business model, the David’s were looking at a major downsizing initiative in 2009. Everything was up for consideration, too – including spinning-off the dogs and possibly returning one of the girls to the factory for a partial refund (I think Jesse is still covered under the original warranty – we still have all of the packaging). The fact is, with Shelly as CEO, costs - particularly on footwear and handbags, had spiraled out of control.
Yup’ - Jake's Bar Mitzvah “scheme” has paid off handsomely. As part of our restructuring effort, we will be holding Bar Mitzvahs weekly going forward until our friends start to catch on. After that, we will be holding them monthly. Jesse will stay with us for now but I am not sure about the dogs (see below). Shelly’s shoe collection is now listed on eBay.
About the Bar Mitzvah – he was spectacular and cool as a cucumber.
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Back in 1992 just before we got married, Shelly had briefly quit her job – quickly earning her the nickname of "The Lady of Luxury". Last March, I decided to do the same thing and left my job at Credit Suisse. After spending time at home for the past several months, Shelly has come up with a few choice nicknames for me, as well. I am guessing she feels like I have invaded her space, cramped her style and disrupted her “rhythm”.
I like to
be value added around the house, but I don’t think she really wants my
help. After all, she hasn’t won
“Mom of the Year” in this house 13 years running for nothing. The kitchen and laundry room are
officially off limits to me now.
Really – a couple of minor “errors in judgment” and you get labeled for
life. For instance...who knew that you can transform an
entire load of whites into “purples” with just one colored shirt? And, can you believe that hot dogs
explode after just
12 minutes in the microwave - that was messy…
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While I have been home, I have had the opportunity to observe the kids in their natural habitat. It’s pretty eye opening stuff….
First off, Jesse talks at a decibel level more suitable for grounds crewmen at JFK. She loves bouncing on furniture and coloring outside of the lines. She has an insatiable appetite for knowledge - at least you would think that based on all of her questions. She enjoys telling jokes but rarely makes it to the punch line before laughing at herself. She skips a lot, giggles at everything and is outrageously sassy.
Practically
every disagreement ends with her slowly shaking her head in exasperation, one
hand on her hip - as if to say, “Duh, Dad! I told you…now how about an apology!”
Avery is soft spoken - but man, when she wants to be heard, it sounds like a grounds crewman at JFK about to be trampled by an oncoming aircraft. She smiles a lot…but she doesn’t have a lot of teeth. She cackles at jokes and changes the channel in the middle of your show. She is nearly impossible to wake up for school, no matter what time she goes to bed – but always seems to have fun when she is there. She procrastinates constantly about homework but helps with almost everything else. She has tons of friends, loves sports and is fascinated by tattoos, earrings and all other forms of body art (yow!).
Peyton is like a college student. She doesn’t mind going to school – but she rarely gets up in time. She likes to stay up late and will sleep-in until noon if we’d let her. She always eats breakfast on the run and is very appreciative of good toilet humor (my kind of lady). She has a really cool group of friends and she is still oblivious to how Shelly and I “behave” in front of them. She is also the busiest kid in the house – involved in soccer, lacrosse, tennis, the flute and drama (or maybe it’s that she just likes being dramatic) and she even does her homework without being asked!
…by the
way, is sarcasm and door slamming a ten year old thing? ‘Cause nine-year-old-Peyton didn’t do
this and there may not be an eleven year old Peyton if it continues.
Jake has made a lot of new friends this year and unlike Peyton, gets extremely embarrassed by anything we do in front of them. He insists on being picked-up around the corner and refuses to admit that we are related. His hobbies include IM, Facebook, Wii, texting and the iPod Touch. He appreciates women for their minds and reads Playboy for the articles (I made that up –- I am not telling you which part, though). He is very independent and needs us only for our wallet and our car. Although he has not officially applied for hermit status, he is pretty stealth around the house – moving in the shadows except for when it comes time for sustenance. Even then, we only get a glimpse of him.
As far as
Shelly goes – she is always in motion. First off, she really likes
talking on the phone. I mean really likes it. I make her
friends feel guilty when they call (“what...you, again!”). I don’t want to belabor
the point...actually, yes I do. While Peyton is like a college student –
Shelly is like her teenage sibling.
She will spend time out with a friend shopping and then will go sneak
off to talk on the phone with the same person for hours as soon as she comes
home. She stopped drinking wine at
breakfast and now works out like she is training for a prison break.
She spends the rest of her time either volunteering or playing
tennis (but not necessarily in that order). Finally, she is officially
looking down the other side of the hill, now that she has turned 40. I should make it clear, though, that
she still looks 28 in my eyes…of course, I turned 40, as well, and my eyes were
never any good to begin with.
Finally, Tahoe and “Sir-Poops-Alot” (Sammy)...
They don’t have a whole lot of hobbies, so they pretty much spend their day being rowdy and mischievous. They love chewing on stuffed animals, sleeping across our bed, eating off the table when no one is looking and eating off the table when everyone is looking. They wrestle, lick each other (it’s a hygiene thing they tell me) and get really loud when the sun comes up or when people come within two miles of the house.
Shelly has tried to domesticate them – but it’s really pretty futile...she can’t even domesticate me. They are also into the whole “organic fertilizer” thing and we have trouble keeping up with them (of course, it doesn’t help that we accidentally left a box of Ex-Lax on the counter). Landmines are everywhere....
You are welcome
to come over – just watch your step!
Happy
Holidays and Best Wishes for 2009!
Jon,
Shelly, Jake, Peyton, Avery, Jesse, Tahoe and Sammy