AAAGGGHHHH...TEENAGERHOOD!!

 

So...Jake turned twelve this year.  I guess it’s about time for us to face reality.  “Teenagerhood” has nearly arrived - and it’s not going away FOR ANOTHER FIFTEEN YEARS!! Soon we will be hit with a barrage of hormones, zits, piercing(s), break-ups, make-ups, Bar Mitzvahs, Bat Mitzvahs, braces, puberty, driver’s ed, bad hair days, and of course, the constant battle over what to wear!!  Two words:

HOLY @#&%!! (and you thought this was going to be just another G-rated holiday letter).

 

Jake, by simple virtue of being the oldest, is strapped with a very tight leash. Peyton’s is even tighter – at least when it comes to boys.  Jesse and Avery, however, can pretty much come and go as they please (and they seem to be acutely aware of that).  Just like they said in the movie Parenthood, “by the third kid, you’re letting them juggle knives”. 

I think we can confidently script the teenage years this way:

Any given Saturday night, 2011 (JAKE – age 16)
Shelly: “I want you home by 10:30, Jake”
Jon:    “Here’s twenty bucks, pal.  I’ll pick you up around 11:30.”

Any given Saturday night, 2013 (PEYTON – age 15)
Jon (talking casually while cleaning his shotgun):

            “Peyton – I am picking you up at 10:00 sharp.              Be outside waiting.”
Shelly:  “Here’s twenty bucks – Dad will see you at        midnight.”

Any given Saturday night, 2015 (AVERY – age 14)
Jon: “You’re not going out dressed like that, Missy!  And give Jesse back her skirt!”
Shelly: “You look adorable, sweetie!! Be home by 12:30 or 1.”

2am - any given school night, 2017 (JESSE – age 13) 

Shelly:  “Jon! Wake up!!!  Have you heard from Jesse yet??”

Jon:     “Who?”

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They say at some point you just have to let them grow up and hope they make the right decisions on their own.  We agree...and in a few years, we will do just that.  In the meantime, we will proceed with caution.

Both Peyton and Jake went off to sleep away tennis camp this year.  A bold move for us.  Shelly was miserable.  I missed them too - particularly when no one was around to help clean up after the dog or take care of the girls.  Anyway, I think we all matured in the process.  Next year, we might even let them stay an entire weekend... 

Avery and Jesse didn’t have to go anywhere in order to have sleepovers.  They pretty much have one here every night - usually STILL in our room (Dear Santa, how about a king-sized bed?).  Shelly now uses their rooms as additional closet space.

Soccer and tennis have sort of snuck up on us as the real family activities of choice.  On average, someone in this family plays one of those two sports at least daily.  Frankly, I am not sure how this happened.  If you had asked me growing up what sports I would expect my kids to be playing, full-contact Parcheesi would have been on the list ahead of tennis and soccer.   Whatever changed – we can’t get enough now. 

Peyton is the most active.  She still plays travel soccer with an awesome group of friends, as well as lacrosse and softball.  She also learned recently that she needs reading glasses.  She is excited because she thinks they will make her look smarter.  As Shelly points out, glasses didn’t seem to help me when I wore them.  Jake started playing soccer for the first time this year, tucked in between seasons of basketball and weekly guitar lessons.   He is also busy preparing for his Bar Mitzvah.  Avery played soccer and tennis, too, until she went on injured reserve (keep reading).  Jesse doesn’t play organized sports (yet) but she’s itching to mix it up – particularly because she loves to kick and hit things.   We are pretty sure she is going to be a model when she grows up (or possibly just a mannequin) because she has a wardrobe change at least four times a day.  She is like a one-person fashion show...except sadly, with my sense of fashion.

Since Shelly didn’t feel we had enough going on, she decided to spice things up.  So, last month she surprised us with “SirPoopsAlot” (aka Mr. Pee-body), a two month old Golden.  He and Tahoe have a great time together – wrestling, stealing each other’s food and licking each other.  Exactly what my brothers and I did as kids.  

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Although it sounds like we had it all under control, this year was not without its share of drama…  

What will forever be remembered simply as “The Accident” came after years of preparation.  She had been looking forward to this day literally since high school.  Finally, in early September, we got “the call”.  She had been selected!!  There was a parade with floats and a two-day celebration. All was right in our home…

But the joy was short-lived.

It was just a harmless handspring.  Maybe it was the twist, maybe it was the turn...or maybe, JUST MAYBE it was the uncovered metal spring of the trampoline.

Whatever broke Avery’s arm, Shelly’s hopes for Olympic greatness vaporized instantly.

She has been a real trooper throughout the past two months.  Very little whining about how it only takes one hand to do a cartwheel or how we can hire our own “spotter”.  Yes, Shelly has really hung in tough – and we are all proud of her.

As for Avery, she is recuperating well.  Really, barely a peep.  She has learned to do all of the important stuff left-handed…particularly, Wii sports.  Just so you know, her high score in Wii bowling left-handed is 230.  Mine, playing right-handed – after several years in a bowling league as a kid – is like 85.  I’ll catch up soon, though - Jake recently started offering late night clinics.  Avery will never know what hit her.

Happy Holidays!!  Enjoy your 2008!