December 2023

Making Lemons Out of Lemonade
By Hugh Jass, Staff Reporter

“Go ahead, Dad, tell him why the looooong face,” Avery quipped in response to my question. A comment that drew a grumble from JD, “Hilarious, Aves. Way to mock my pain!”

In a wide-ranging interview with the Davids – intended to chronicle what any observer would have considered a banner year for the family – I was stunned to walk into a room ablaze in patriarchal negativity. I pointed out that in 2023, Shelly and JD celebrated 30 extraordinary years of joy-filled marriage while witnessing their kids pile on one milestone after another (at least, that’s how JD termed it…Shelly merely rolled her eyes and left the room to do something productive).

Among their four children, there was a wedding, the purchase of a new home, a college graduation, and a couple of new jobs. They even managed to cut expenses and are now down to just a single child on their payroll. “Seriously, what’s not to love about a year like that??” I exclaimed, still in shock by the lack of paternal gratitude.

“Jowls,” JD whispered…staring into his hands with vapid eyes, clearly fighting off tears. “JOWLS!!